Ko wai au? Reminding myself of Who I am, at Hazel Hill Woods.
- Pūtahi Innovations
- Jun 22
- 6 min read
Introduction
I recently spent three days on a retreat hosted by the Association of Facilitators (AoF) at Hazel Hill Wood, near Salisbury. I went in carrying months of stress, change, and worry. I came out with clarity, reconnection, and a sense of grounding I realised I’d been missing.
This post captures that journey. From the lead‑up, the retreat itself, and the days after. Several themes deserve their own posts, and I’ll explore those separately.
For now, this is the journey, as it unfolded.
My Facilitation Background
I’ve been facilitating groups for three decades; youth groups, tertiary students, and adult communities across Aotearoa New Zealand. I also spent two years in Ireland, the UK, and France working with youth groups, which remains one of my most treasured experiences.
Coming back to the UK, I wanted a refresh. A sense of the current facilitation landscape. Ideally some form of UK‑based accreditation.
Searching for Something
After several weeks of research, I landed on the Association of Facilitators. I reached out and had a great kōrero with founder Brian Watts. His advice was simple; try a few events first. So I booked a place on their 3‑Day Retreat at Hazel Hill Wood.
The Lead‑Up
When I booked, I was curious, nervous, and excited. But life shifted quickly. In the month before the retreat, I was deep in “doing all the things”:
completing my first SFIA milestone
finishing a 3‑week Digital Bootcamp
launching my Cultural Supervision service
attending the Cyber Security Show in Birmingham
developing Digital Equity offerings
refining my SFIA mahi into Skills Equity
starting my CPD accreditation
expanding into Cultural Equity
By the time the retreat came around, I was in a completely different head space. I was stretched thin, overwhelmed, and not fully present.
Day 1 - The Drive Down
I hoped the long drive would help me reset. It didn’t. Not at first. But once I left the motorway and hit the countryside (the thatched cottages, the quiet lanes) I started to soften.
Observing Tikanga Māori
I arrived at Hazel Hill Wood around 5.30pm. The woods were small but dense, and as soon as I stopped at the gate, something hit me. An overwhelming familiarity.
I let out a quiet “ooh!”.
Instinctively, I stopped, and offered a mihi:
Tēnā koutou katoa. (Greetings to you all).
E mihi ana ki tēnei wāhi, ki tēnei ngahere (I acknowledge this space).
E mihi ana ki te mana whenua o Hazel Hill Wood (I acknowledge the authority of the land of Hazel Hill Woods).
E mihi ana ki te hau kāinga a Association of Facilitators (I acknowledge the hosts the Association of Facilitators).
Kei te mihi. Kei te mihi. Kei te mihi (The greatest of acknowledgments to all).
Ko wai au? (Who am I?)
Ko Terence Hikawai tōku ingoa (My name is Terence Hikawai).
Nō Ngāti Kahungunu ki Wairoa me Ngāti Pāhauwera au (I am from the peoples of Kahungunu and Pāhauwera).
Nō reira, tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou, tēnā tātou katoa (I greet you, I greet you, I greet you all).
I paused, letting the mana and wairua of the woods and situation settle over me. It was a quiet and profound moment. One I’ll explore more in a future post.
Arriving (Or Trying To)
I drove through the trees to the car park, grabbed my swag, and helped another attendee with theirs. Inside the lodge, I met our hosts (Emily, Bella, and Brian) from AoF, and eased into the space with a cuppa.
The lodge had a “Kiwi Hutt” vibe, an off‑grid and simple complex. It reminded me of Camp Kaitawa, Guthrie Smith, and Castle Hill.
I was still processing the moment at the gate when Bella gently asked, “Are you still arriving?” I smiled and gave a weak “yes”. And I appreciated her noticing.
Making Sense of Things
We covered the basics of safety, water, and the loos. Then settled into our rooms and shared our first kai.
After dinner, Brian guided us through building our group contract. I reflected again on the lead‑up, the overwhelm, and the moment of connection at the entrance.
Even after giving my mihi, I realised I still hadn’t fully arrived. So I decided to give myself openly to whatever the next few days brought.
Day 2 - A Slow Morning
I met more of the group over breakfast, but I was still processing everything from the day before.
Yet I was ready for the first session.
The Natural Academy
We were introduced to nature‑connection practices. Gentle, grounding activities designed to re‑wild the nervous system. The approach felt deeply aligned with Te Whare Tapa Whā and Kaitiakitanga.
A Connection with the Old Man of the Forest
One activity asked us to “find beauty.” I walked toward some low scrub and was hit by the scent of fern, instantly transported back to Aotearoa.
It wasn’t Tāne Mahuta, but it felt familiar. My cup filled quickly.
Constellation Table‑Top
Back in the lodge, Bella guided us through the Constellation Table‑Top process — a way of mapping relationships, tensions, and patterns using objects in space. It’s simple, visual, and surprisingly powerful.
Working with a buddy, I explored an issue I’d been carrying. Having someone help me externalise it was incredibly helpful.
Talking Kiwi to an Aussie
Over lunch, I chatted with an Aussie bloke who was helping look after the catering. Classic Kiwi–Aussie banter. We talked about visas, settling in, and adjusting to the UK.
With my second anniversary approaching, it was another grounding kōrero.
Reflecting and Letting Go
As the day went on, our group opened up more. I was still guarded. Unsure of who or what I was in that moment. But I stayed with it.
After dinner, we gathered at the fire pit. Brian and Bella guided us through a process of letting go, then picking up something new. It was simple, deliberate, and meaningful.
Day 3 - A quiet morning
I travel light, so I was packed early. That gave me time to wander the woods before breakfast. One final opportunity to connect with the ngahere.
Reflection and Closing
After breakfast, we shared our reflections. Everyone had their own journey. Mine was a whirlwind of thought, emotion, realisation, and progress. I was grateful.
Snapshot in the Woods
Our last activity took us back into the woods. We each found a spot that “spoke” to us. I watched a group of small birds fussing about — they reminded me of pīwaiwaka.
We shared our spots with a buddy, then returned to the lodge.
Whakamutunga
Before leaving, I offered a mihi whakamutunga:
Tēnā koutou katoa (Greetings to us all)
Ko tēnei te wāhanga, te wāhanga whakamutunga (We have arrived at the end)
mō tēnei wāhi, mō tēnei kaupapa, mō tēnei wā (the end of our time in this space, this purpose).
Māku te karakia, te karakia whakamutunga (I will clear this space).
Kia ora mai (for our wellbeing).
Ka whakairia te tapu (Restrictions are moved aside),
Kia wātea ai te ara (so the pathway is clear),
Kia turuki whakataha ai (to return to everyday activities),
Kia turuki whakataha ai (to return to everyday activities),
Haumi e. Hui e. Tāiki e! (we are affirmed!)
And with that, I departed Hazel Hill Wood.
Re-Arriving (Still Trying To)
The drive back home was long. Birmingham traffic added an extra hour. And by the time I got back, I was exhausted in every sense.
The first few days home were difficult. Even though it was a short retreat, it was deeply impactful. I needed time to settle, to integrate, and to arrive home again.
My cup was full. My kete was overflowing. But I needed space to understand what it all meant.
Conclusion - Ko Wai Au?
Everything about the retreat was slow and deliberate. I let myself move at my own pace, and in doing so, I realised how much I’d missed the connection to the ngahere, and my whenua.
Nothing would ever replace that connection. But Hazel Hill Wood offered me a gentle reminder.
This retreat arrived exactly when I needed it. If you’re in the UK and looking for something grounding, reflective, and restorative,
I highly recommend booking a spot on the next Association of Facillitators retreat.
Comments